I wish I could punch you in the face.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
