He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Send help, water and tortillas.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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