Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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