It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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