but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
