I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my sisters under your porch take her home
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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