like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
