Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
