The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
