i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
