There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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