I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Holy shit dude........stairs
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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