I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
