I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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