she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
