wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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