Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Randomize
