LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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