i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
