I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
