Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
