I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
