Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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