That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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