I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
