Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
