Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
