In America we eat man semen.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
