Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
