I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I could fuck to npr.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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