im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Randomize
