She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
