I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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