i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
