Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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