it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
