I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He passed out mid-signature
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
