Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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