i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Barsexuality is the new black.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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