we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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