i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so let's talk penis.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
