The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
