Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
