Cold hands, warm shart.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
