i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
