I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
