Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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