My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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