dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
