I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
