everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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